My Last Words (About the Project)

How else to wrap up a game about death than with a Post Mortem post? 

What went right: I set out to make a game addressing things I was feeling when I started; a want to create a project with every part of it laid bare, to blog about and be transparent about it, and to put something in to the world that would outlast me. It is the only game I've made that has art, the only puzzle game I've made, and I'm pretty proud of it for what it is. 

I also set forth wanting to make a game that fit the Solo Game/Puzzle Game/ and Love Story categories. I developed the first edition over the period of about 100 days. There is lots left to do in terms of time play testing, tuning, and re-illustration; but I can take as much time as I need for that. The imperative of finishing the project is complete. It may not be polished, but it is a complete concept.

Another part was to create gratitude. To ruminate on permenancy, the present, my relationships, and to be grateful for life and what I have. To not take these things, or the time I have, for granted. I feel I was successful with this.

For the love story portion, it was obvious from the start who I would make this about. My wife and I. In dedication. Something she could go back to if I was suddenly robbed from her. She would always have my last words to her, contained here and  in the first prototype of the game. Her grave was the first one you visit, and mine the last. The inscriptions were shared; "I still love him" and "I still love her", respectively. 

In the game I expressed her pickiness (Remember the don't bury me next to X card?), her indecisiveness (cremation or burial), her problems remembering things, and her tendency to overthink things. I think it all came together.

What went wrong: The tragic part of the project is that my wife and I have been having problems recently. Not when I started the game, but closer to the end of the 100 days. It's been dreadful, and we might not make it through it. I've been hammering out the blog posts and posted the game publicly as a PNP and in digital. It's kept my mind busy and helped reconcile my thoughts and emotions.

I don't expect everyone to jump at the thought of play testing the game. I can guess the reasons. The theme? The heavy content? Maybe it is not relatable enough? Is it just not professionally produced enough to complete for peoples' time and attention? Is a single time play through game not worth printing out and assembling? Everything is posted and in place now, and I can check on it periodically. Maybe people will pick it up over time. 

What could go wrong: 

 Design-wise, the hardest part was taking the puzzle and making sure the player is able to detect what the card is asking from you. Some are successful, some less-so. I'm not a mind-reader, so there are bound to be some necessary changes, even when the game feels like it is in a tight and fragile balance. For a game that I lent myself emotionally to, I have to prepare for challenges, criticisms (hopefully not hate), that I need to take objectively and apply without taking it as a direct attack. 

Other notes: In my (maybe fatalistic) imagination,  I thought if could get a project out there, I could make a rainy day fund.  If I was ever taken terminally ill, my wife could post the game in tandem with a go fund me for my medical bills or in some effort to take care of her when I'm gone. Or vice-versa. Some greater purpose. Some assurance that she would be taken care of if things go awry. A parting gift if it was ever needed. I should add at this point that, despite the somber talk, and that my life is currently turned upside down, I'm doing ok. This project has helped immensely.

I think the best I can hope for at this point is that it helps a stranger, maybe the story connects with them when they need it most. The idea that they could play the game once, then again 10, 20 years later when they are reminded of it. Maybe then it would have renewed meaning for them, be a welcome distraction, or be comforting to them. Or maybe when the time comes, it will just be a reminder to the ones I love:

Bury Me Where You Will Remember Me.